Netflix Shadow & Bone Season 2 drops this week. I sure hope it doesn’t suck. I’m suspicious by nature and I’ve seen some bad-ass shows turn dumb-ass for no good reason. But I watched the first season On loop for a couple weeks when it came out. And I Had Questions. I wrote the below in 2021. I got more, newer thoughts later.
What the hell is it with het women and creepy, stalkery cis dudes? Especially controlling, narcissistic ones? I mean, I kinda know. I’m a middle aged woman who has made some hella stupid decisions involving pricks. The struggle (and/or the love) is real. But for FFS, why? And can we please just stop encouraging it. We are not going to “save” these fuckers by loving them. We won’t be safe. [cn: sexual assault, heterosexual dysfunction of the highest order]
Now about the show. It’s a bit like if you combined Game of Thrones and Harry Potter except neither sucked. Epic, magical, emotional, but without all the rape, sadism, racism, normalized emotional abuse and inbred cult vibes. Young protagonists discovering their power, saving the world with their besties, but without so much mutilation, hazing, and free range uselessness. Which isn’t to overlook their struggle and trauma, there’s plenty of that, but it’s contextual and recognized. The sexual abuse isn’t played-up shock porn (or a plot device to motivate the masculine characters). It’s there (off screen) because human trafficking and abuse happen, especially to women, and it affects us, even the ones who survive and become powerful.
There is very little nookie in this show. The sex that happens in season one is a single totally consensual, casual same-gender hookup between people who appear roughly power balanced. All of these elements are kind of novel. Casual sex isn’t for everyone, but incorporating sex as a fun treat Jesper grabs on the run is a good thing. Moreover, the story allows this without suggesting the character is a dysfunctional ho, or the NPC is being paid. (When Jesper is being dysfunctional, it’s because he has a gambling addiction, not because he’s getting laid). It’s an upgrade from the fantasy trope of “pirates/rogues” grabbing barmaids like they’re no different than beer steins. And of course there was No Gay when I was a kid. The idea that same sex attraction is just one of several normal, acceptable flavors makes me happy.
Meanwhile–the creepy dude. Genre fiction (not just fantasy, but romance, and even mystery) would have us believe actual monsters are hot. The vampire, werewolf, demon, etc as romantic lead is stale as hell at this point, but women are still writing and consuming it. Everything from Twilight to Discovery of Witches has some wacky, dangerous guy (the “Alpha Male” – gagging sound) who is chemically wired to be controlling and obsessive, but somehow just wants to hangout with some sweet ordinary chick, and magically rolls over to have his belly (or something) rubbed by the human heroine who has literally centuries less life experience than he does. I get it–“fantasy” means something you like to think about but not necessarily something you want IRL, up close and personal-like. But why some of us like this shit matters. So many women are unsafe around their partners, and men generally that we end up with elaborate sexual fantasies about men who are exceptionally unsafe to everyone except us. [note, none of this is a coded “blink if I need help” about my own actual spouse, really.]
S&B sets up a standard Harry Skywalker-type protagonist (Alina) with a standard Luv Triangle: the faithful friend (Mal) versus the exciting, seductive, sophisticated older man (Kirigan). The power dyad is pretty familiar too: a two halves/light-dark situation, like Kylo and Rey, except the neckbeard stalker in black is more appealing, despite having an actual neckbeard. And people are lapping this up on the internet: extolling the chemistry between Alina and Kirigan and saying “oooh, which will she end up with…” (Can I just say I HATE ship names. And get off my lawn).
And I’m over here like, are you fucking kidding me? Yes, Ben Barnes is very sexy, but the character is an abuser. Kirigan diverts Alina’s mail, isolates her, manipulates her, and lies about everything, all while claiming that he’s her soul mate and they’re the only ones who understand/complete each other. How are people getting to the end of this and saying “hmmm….She could pick vanilla, or she could still pick chocolate….” No. You cannot pick a guy who did that shit. It is not romantic. I mean, sure Darth Vader got a redemption arc, but this guy does some seriously nasty stuff (and I’m not talking about his geopolitical ambitions).
The other guy, the warm fuzzy one, is a bit funny looking but way hotter, on balance. (Am I allowed to say that about an actor who is less than half my age?) Mal embodies some other potentially problematic fantasies–the sweet, soft hearted boy who grows up into a big butch brawler, but is still a softie. However, it’s a much healthier idea for Alina to be credibly attached to a guy who she knows well, rather than the guy who suddenly shows up in a swirling cloak with strong “I’d hit that” energy. Vampires, werewolves, the Regency Rake, Navy SEALS, wizard anti-heroes are all supposed to have instant WAP effect when they say creepy stuff like “you’re a lesser life form” followed by “you belong to me”. On the other hand, Alina and Mal probably saw each other piss when they were six. That’s not romantic either, but it’s real.
In fairness, the closest anyone in the show besides Jesper gets to getting it on is also Alina and Kirigan and she is making choices and has agency. There’s explicit consent to the groping part. The more complex emotional relationship between Alina and Mal doesn’t get to sex, or even kissing. I find this mildly disappointing, but shrewd story telling. I will say tho, it always confuses me why death is PG-13 and sex is rated R. Consider the defining sources for my generation: Lord of the Rings (in print), Star Trek and Star Wars. People get shot up and dismembered. ALL the TIME. There’s mass genocide and torture. But the most sexy times is some clothed smooches. If anyone had showed or mentioned a nipple, ever, us 70s kids would never have seen it. What the fuck people? How are boobs more scary and problematic than blasters? Or being disemboweled by orcs?
Kirigan slices people in half in this show but he does not commit sexual battery, nor does his attractiveness depict sexual assault as adjacent to seduction. As sex in fiction goes, that’s pretty good. (The bar is low, and arguably Han Solo didn’t even make it). However, by the last couple of episodes, Kirigan perpetrates some extreme, intimate consent violations and the fact no one’s genitals were involved doesn’t make him much less of a rapist. Why the heck do people want the female protagonist to look at all favorably on this guy, when she could be with someone who respects her, and whose dialogue specifically articulates respect for her boundaries, self determination, and differences?
The Kirigans of this world are scary demons and to stay sane, I think we have to believe we can save and tame them, so they will protect us from the other demons. The odds are high, if you’re a het leaning woman who likes masculine flavors, you’ve been inoculated with Rudolph Valentino, Georgette Heyer, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or countless tawdry redbacked Silhouette Romances to be drawn to darkness like a fly to a pitcher plant. I’ve absolutely made the mistake of getting in the rack with a demon. I paid a price, but not as high as some people.
Worse (for me) is the insidious effect of being demon spawn. Certain genre fiction would have you believe that the boisterous, violent, predatory, and/or drunk big bad wolf will become a loving father who loves changing diapers. A man who was never parented correctly and developed all sorts of dysfunctional coping mechanisms just needs to be loved out of the shadows. It’s easier to believe you’re the exception than walk away when you see the red glow of the warning lights, particularly when you were raised under the same banner of red flags. My father didn’t beat us or exploit us, but his drama to nurturance ratio was pretty much backward and we grew up in the cult of his personality.
If you survive and are capable of forming a pair bond with someone who respects you, there aren’t that many Mals out there. There’s romantic narrative about warm cuddly, egalitarian guys too, but far fewer men are conditioned and reinforced to behave that way. (Note, this is not to buy into the “Friend zone/women don’t like nice guys” narrative. Those guys are not nice guys.)
Everyone needs to self soothe sometimes. I’m old and tired and sometimes my ghosts and mistakes come around and whisper in my ears. Women who are with safe men, are loved by them and love them back, are one form of balm to my troubled spirits. When Mal and Alina wrote their “true north” letters to each other, I cried. I’ve got my fingers crossed for them. (And I’m also looking forward to checking out Lewis Tan…)
rage. creation - joy 